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If a man is in the middle of nowhere and there isn't a woman around, is he still wrong?
Apparently I snore so loudly it terrifies
everyone in the car I'm driving.
I logged on to see if it was going to rain… now I have a solar-powered mushroom lamp, orthopedic flip-flops, and I’m on season 2 of a Scandinavian crime drama.
I said to my wife, “For the last 12 years, all you've done is find mistakes in anything I say to you."
She answered, "13 years."
What do you call the sexuality where you're attracted to men and women but neither are attracted to you?
Bi-yourself.
Being cremated is my last hope for a smoking hot body.